until one summer day when a bunch of us went for a swim at a pleasant little mini-waterfall very imaginatively named "The Rocks." The girl-of-interest — who had a very attractive athletic bod — was wearing shorts and a T-shirt.
Yesterday, after preparing our post about how to be funny, my dear friend Teddy Wayne and I ended up discussing self-deprecation not just as a tool for humor but — when it's a compulsive reaction — as something of a personality flaw, particularly in the dating realm, particularly early on in a dalliance."I feel like I point out my flaws all the time — in part because I want to signal my self-awareness.
Or else I want to make it clear that I'm not clueless about some appearance drawback on a certain day.
Like, a lot of times I say, 'My hair is just a mess today — please try not to look at it too closely.'"Teddy's response: "Which surely makes people look at it too closely.""I know, I know.""You actually did something like that the first time we hung out.""I did?
""After that party where we were introduced, we met for drinks.""At that Bar 115 place — that time? You called me shortly before so we could pin down a time and you said, 'I'm just warning you, I've been running around all day so I look really gross.'" be kind of unattractive.
I was on the phone with a friend of mine whom I hadn't spoken to in a while, and at a certain point he said, "Well, I'm just rambling now." I hadn't thought he was talking in circles at all, but after he called my attention to the possibility that he be, I found myself on the lookout for a ramble as the conversation continued.
His comment had become an invitation to judge him and scrutinize him.
What's more, when it was my turn to talk, I started to feel neurotic about my rambled?
My convo with Teddy also reminded me of an incident in college: A male friend of mine was pretty interested in a certain girl ...
It doesn't make you seem self-aware so much as insecure.3.
It can make the person you're speaking to wonder if you will turn your negativity or hyper-scrutiny on to him or her.
Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and I’m left thinking about Cupid’s arrow and L-O-V-E. A movie I couldn’t talk anyone else into seeing with me.