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Picture conveyer belts of them trailing endlessly into the distance, hard and ready with dicks in hand. The first time I ever went online, to Prodigy back when they existed and charged by time spent signed on, I felt its vast potential for interpersonal relations, much like the first thing I wanted to do on Chatroulette was show people my boobs.

Ordering one up is sort of like picking a song on the jukebox, watching that electronic arm grab one from its slot and deliver it to you. For someone with low self-esteem, who had rarely gotten any kind of sexual attention in real life, going online was like falling down a rabbit hole into a life I had previously only read about in the "Sweet Valley High" novels I mulled over -- the kind of life where boys and men want to "chat" with you, and sex with another person is a tangible possibility.

Since I was 13 years old, every boyfriend I ever had pretty much came from the Internet.

I basically reduced vast amounts of world-changing technology and advanced circuitry to a fancy machine for talking to boys.

Those of you who argue with me about the ease of getting laid should go right now and post an ad on Craigslist, then sift through the hundreds of responses.

Yes, some of them will be creepers with dick pics, but some of them, I can assure you, will be quite enticing. That may not be something you want to do, but it is easy.

And not only can you order up sex as easily as Pad Thai (if you had to check your Pad Thai for visual sores), the laws of supply and demand mean you can get as specific as you want about your partner and scenario.

That dream became a reality the first time I met someone using the Craigslist "Casual Encounters" section.

I don't remember what I wrote, but I clearly remember padding downstairs barefoot to sign the guy into my dorm room.

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