Fantasy only goes so far and usually does best in the bedroom (or in poetry).This is our sacred, precious life, it deserves our conscious attendance, fierce protection and pragmatic awareness.
Honor solitude as a trenching, leveling, concrete pouring and settling period.
I’ve only had short bouts of alone time in between my relationships.
It’s never been enough time, not only to clear the recently broken relationship from my system, but to grieve and release my marriage too.
I’ve brought all of it with me over the years and therefore, I’ve been living without stability—emotionally and mentally.
I remember when she said this to me, four and a half years ago. How dare she put a timeline on my healing, on my ability to have an intimate, healthy relationship with a new partner. I thought I needed the attention as I attempted to recreate the structure, consistency, security and commitment I was accustomed to, but I was forgetting something really important—I didn’t need a man for that, I needed to discover and cultivate all of those qualities within me before I looked for them in anyone else.
The research I’ve done and the experts I’ve spoken with, have led me to a conclusion: what my mother said is accurate—it takes at least five years to recover from a divorce, declare a personal identity and rebuild a solid foundation equipped to support and withstand another relationship. Over the past four and a half years, I’ve jumped into two relationships because I didn’t want to be alone.
I’ve learned the hard way, but at least I’ve learned that there are steps to take before even considering being with another person.
Once I reach the place where I am able and willing to engage in a relationship, I need to approach it with intelligent foresight and an analytical perspective based in reality, not projection or what I hope .
I have given myself permission to be in a relationship only with myself, for at least a year.