It’s Saturday night, 8 o’clock and the restaurant is packed. What’s more, with the prevalence of car services like Uber and Lyft, you don’t even need to stand in a cold street whistling at cabs. A single guy should be living in the part of town with all the nightlife.You made a reservation, but the restaurant is busy and you end up having to wait with everyone else in the crowded anteroom where a cold blast of wind whips across your face every time the door opens. But what if you don’t live in a fun part of town, or even in a fun town itself? Yes this will cost more, but it will be worth it when you see the improvements it brings your dating life. The real answer is the drink doesn’t cost anything when someone buys it for you. It wasn’t a fun date, but it wasn’t horrible; it was probably like most dates that regular people go on every day. Who knows, that hug was maybe good, but you’re not sure. When it gets crowded later on, standing might work out better but you’ll see how the night turns out. Conversely, make enough friends who work there that they’ll treat you like a VIP and make sit-down space whenever you need it.
Two Dating Stories Let’s look at my hated enemy: the dinner date. And if your neighborhood has difficult street parking at night, good luck.
You pick her up from her apartment and drive 20 minutes to arrive at the Italian Restaurant from Hell. On the subway it’s a victory if it doesn’t smell like piss. The only bad thing about cars is that you’re focused on driving, so it’s hard to keep you and your date having fun.
During the drive you make small talk about work and the weather. But in the back of a dark cab its easy to pull your date close to you and fool around.
A couple of notes on this: As we’re still writing the book, this chapter might look different in the finished product. “I write software that lets people pay their utility bills” is fine, if a little dry. You’re sitting close, touching each other when you’re laughing. In the second date, they were close by, so sex was on the table, and it was just easier (you can lose the vibe driving around in a car). Where You’re Taking Her and its Proximity to Your Place Listen, you may love the veal parmesan at Carmella’s Bistro, but if it’s across town and it’s not easy for you to get there and back then it’s not a good logistical choice for a date.
Also, you’ll see that Rob and I mix up some of the first-person references to “I” and “we.” Rob and I aren’t the Borg and we don’t agree on everything, and we’ve had different experiences. It’s better than “I work for Unheard-Of-Company in the Software Entitlements Department and I receive the drafts of code, in C++ of course if you can believe it, from our engineering team and check them for accuracy against our legal department’s standards of compliance for our public utilities clients…So…yeah.” What you “do” is not as important as who you are. Good logistical choices are cool bars (and even restaurants) that are close to your house simply because it’s easier to get there and back. You realize it’s time to go and before you know it you can both be back at your house.
So when you see the word “I” used, it refers to one of us, though we don’t see a need to specify which one of us that is. First-Date Logistics A quick tangent before we get started The whole point of dating is to have sex. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a short-term fun situation or you’re both looking for a long-term relationship — our biology, both male and female, is screaming at us to get it on. When you’re far away you have to drive or take a cab or the subway and all of that can let insecure thoughts in.When you ask a girl out and she accepts, what she’s saying (on a Jurassic level with the dinosaurs and mastodons) is, “I think you are attractive enough to procreate with.” It’s not a conscious thing, it’s just an urge that’s always in the background. And the modern phenomenon of dating is our culture’s avenue of approach to procreation. Believe us, women are aware of these details; we’ve had dates where it was the girl who intentionally parked her car near our place before the date because she knew it would make it easier to invite her in afterward.So what if this is the first glimpse of the Logistics Book since Rob and I started talking about it four years ago? Also, bring cash and a credit card so you can use either as needed. She starts with the small talk but you avoid it: “Yeah it was windy but I didn’t notice it because today I finally think I figured out how to…” You tell a story – about yourself – that gives her an idea of your personality. ***** So the above stories have shown the same date ending two different ways.Do you know how long it took the Sistine Chapel to be painted? That’s right, Rob and I are right on par with Michelangelo in creating works of art. It doesn’t really seem like you’ve hit it off enough to invite yourself over to her place. We have spotted poor blokes who were left pining for an ATM at cash-only bars, and we have felt sorry fo them. You open up and share the story of you, you give her a picture of what it’s like to be you and spend time with you. When you talk about yourself like this, it de-strangerfies you. You stop by, say hi to some friends and have another drink, your night is slowing down and that’s fine, That’s what it does. She hesitates, testing you, seeing if you’ll own it. What made the second one more successful was basically two things: 1) better conversation and 2) logistical escalation.We still have a ways to go until the whole thing is done, but we at least wanted to give you an idea of what to expect. All of this makes her feel like she knows you, so she starts sharing too. Feel free to give a sincere answer, but don’t get technical (unless she also understands the intricacies of ferro-magnetic data storage algorithms). When she doesn’t think of you as a stranger, she won’t treat you like a stranger. Logistical escalation is the use of timing, people and places around you to advance you toward sex.So here’s a sample from the book, and it’s our chapter on first-date logistics. Give her the elevator speech in words that anyone can understand. Soon enough, you’ve had a few rounds and are feeling good. For example, in the first date, they went to a restaurant far away from either of their apartments or any realistic place where sex could happen.