My friend Dave uses Grindr pretty often — not for sex, but casual meet ups and hook ups.
This weekend we were hanging out in my apartment and Dave let me take the reins with his Grindr profile.
In my hand I held the key to hundreds of men, lots of them really sexy, who were messaging me in real time and fully aware, thanks to geolocation technology, that their messages were going to a phone a mere 300 feet away.
“That guy is close enough to be in your building,” Dave said of one guy who messaged me “U R Close.” It was kind of like that urban legend where the murderer calls the babysitter and says “I’m in the bassssssement” except instead of killing me this guy wanted to hook up with me. I was using Dave’s name, and photo, so they wanted to hook up with him.
But I kind of forgot that as I crafted dirtier and dirtier messages to these guys.
And I think that if we all exercised our Grindr muscles more regularly, we’d be better daters. to say exactly what you want, because all you have is words (until you meet).
But when you are physically with your boyfriend or girlfriend and able to show them what you want to do, don’t stop talking.
On Grindr, nobody cares or takes it personally if they get rejected because there are just so many guys. And trust me, there are more eligible dates for you out there than Grindr users within hookup proximity. But after the second time I heard it, I had to ask Dave what it really was. I feel like we should all know this — if only so that you don’t make a Miami joke like I did.
All of these guys had pictures, and since many of them didn’t want to show their faces, the picture would be of their abs. I’m going to go do some ab exercises when I’m done writing this, and I suggest you do the same when you’re done reading.
If Grindr boys’ twelve packs are today’s ab standards, I have some working out to do.